Oh Lenno, how you love me so.

Time here has been so magnificent. nn,

I want to lay facedown in the grass, and be absorbed into the earth. I'm tired of being human with wants, and feelings, and responsibilities. I want to scream until my body becomes the wind, and leaves and dirt. I want to exist without the plague of knowledge. I want you to be the house I was raised in, the only place I feel safe. I want to be able to say that I didn't know any better. But, i do- I did. We did.

So I was broken into all these little pieces, little bits of fear and shaky smiles. I was scared to feel. Do you know that feeling? What's left after heartbreak-- not just the romantic kind-- but every other kind, too. I know it... I know that feeling. Abandonment. It shows up sometimes, thump-thump-thumps of a quaky stomach and tingly nerves. I'm hardly whole; I'm probably even less than half. But every day, every hour you stay is another day and hour i don't feel it. You're not whole either. I'm not entirely sure you're much more put together than I am, but together... Is it possible for two things that equal less than half, to equal a whole? I'm learning things I'd forgotten. Kisses that mean something. Holding hands. Forehead leaning against forehead. Happiness. I think I'm learning love. It feels good; It feels right.

11/15/09

NEW MOON TONIGHT AT MIDNIGHT !! AHHHHHH.

1. Last night Mr. Bulldog was amazing. Congrats Ty :)
2. Concert tomorrow.
3. Movie night Saturday ♥ ♥

I sat in the sky bewildered as the cloud I was hanging upon exploded. I'm an amateur for things of this nature; ride when it’s high, fall as it's low. It's all modern physics, easy to see. I'm remembering times that came from another memory, another emotion, and another entity. Useless thoughts envelope my skull as I'm left free falling from the star that resides on my right palm. It's easy to see if you're ready to watch, and simple to hear if you're ready to listen. His mouth could never whisper dreams that held fast on his tongue, his eyes could never see through me. I stood fast spring through autumn hoping that an answer would come. The winter never seems to show itself year after year, but I wait in the snow for the day that must come. It's not hard to understand if you look at it right, it's not hard to let go if you wait up all night. I'm a sucker for refrigerator poetry. Haiku's and things of such nature.
I'm not really that full of depth or emotion,
Just a lost entity searching for a soul to hang on to.





"The heart,
four simple chambers,
a thousand complicated doors,
one of them...is yours."

11/17/09

1. Everyone please quit talking
2. New Moon in 2 days. Woo.
3. Trying to find things to look forward to.

Love from Cori's point of view: ♥
Love is a funny thing. You expect it to be easy. You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies. You expect them to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect them to calm you down when you're yelling or to chase you when you run away. You expect so much that you feel entirely, and utterly defeated when something doesn't exactly match up with all your plans. But that's the thing.
Love isn't a plan.
It doesn't have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it. Love happens; it is so incredibly messy. People around you can't comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can't see. They can't see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you're in love. It's inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can't live without it.
What you don't learn is how hard love is. How much work it takes. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn't worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it. Love isn't them calming you down when you yell. It's them yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. It isn't them bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable. It's after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet them showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It's not them saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. So no, it's not them caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be alright. It's them standing there, admitting their just as scared as you are.
You have to remember that with love, you're not the only one involved. You've unknowingly put your heart into the palms of another persons hands and said, "Here. Do what you will. Mash it into mince meat. Or forget I ever handed it to you. As long as you have it." It makes us crazy. It makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn't cross. Because love isn't about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It's about scaring the hell out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. And it's a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling 'happy' and feeling whole.





You make me smile like the sun,
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night.
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee.
Just the thought of you can drive me wild;
Ohh, you make me smile

11/16/09

What an interesting weekend:
1.talk sh!T get hit :)if you gatta learn it the hard way go ahead!
2. Rumors got spread waaaay too fast - slooow it down please & find out the facts before you run your mouth
3. I have some of the best friends anyone could ask for. They are myyy world. - Thanks guys. :D
4. Parents suck. thats all.
5. (Roman wants to be in this so i'm writing about him)

DRAMAAAAAAAAAA. BLAH.


I believe.
I believe in being happy, and laughing until you cant breathe.
I believe in crying your heart out,because sometimes you just need to.
I believe in love. I believe its one of the most wonderful, and awful things that can happen to a person.
I believe in God, and that everything happens for a reason, He has a plan, and no matter what, everything will turn out okay.
I believe in pain,. I believe that every break and bend along the way is only there to make you a better person; and that you need to take something out of every lesson life gives you.
I believe in heartache, and that first loves never really disappear..
they just hide, and you don't remember what it was like.
I believe in trying your hardest for everything you want.
I believe in confidence, cause without it you're really nothing.
I believe in those days, where all you want to do is lay in bed and watch a marathon of your favorite show.
I believe in missing someone, so much.
I believe that sometimes, song lyrics are the key to everything you feel; and that music is one of the greatest things on the planet.
I believe in singing and dancing and having so much fun you feel like you'll explode.
I believe in passion, and chemistry.
I believe in having regrets; there's always that one thing in life you wish you never did, and wish you could rewind and start over
I believe in the past.
I believe you need to learn from it, and you need to remember it
I believe you need to remember people; faces and names; the ones who loved you, the ones you loved, the ones you never really liked
the ones who hurt you, and the ones you never really knew, but they always were nice to you.
I believe in compliments, and making other people feel good.
I believe in being completely retarded with your friends, and cherishing every second of it, because you never know if the last time will really be the last time.
I believe in notes between classes, and texts just to say goodnight.
I believe in feeling like your heart is going to burst.
I believe in Midol, Advil, Nyquil, & Dayquil.
I believe in hot hot hot showers,
and kisses on the forhead
I believe in working hard and working out.
I believe you need to have those days where you're not happy because it makes you grateful for the days when everythings back to normal.
I believe that boys are stupid,but they make the best friends
I believe in sleeping in, and staying up, and procrastinating.
I believe that everyone has those few friends that will stab you in the back in two seconds, but it makes you appreciate the true ones: who are there to fix you when you're heartbroken, and call your ex boyfriend a fuck tard.
I believe in honesty, and that it may hurt sometimes, but it'll save the person from more hurt down the road.
I believe in my future.
I believe in college and the lives we're all waiting to start.
I believe in me.
I believe a lot.
but thats okay, you know?



sometimes skulls are thick.
sometimes hearts are vacant.
sometimes words don't work.




morelater<3

11/13/09

FRIDAY THE 13th! baaaa!
1.Voicelessons
2.Game with my daddy
3.Goodluck GSpots.
4.partypartyparty

Thoughts today:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things. We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring my words and writing to you, and a time when you can choose either to think about this, comment this, or to just ignore it... Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent. Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.






So you made me come, then you sent me away like a messenger bird, so I circled the earth, blown away in the wind. But I always returned with some new little song - some sad story to tell, of a brief love affair with a boy I compared to you, and he failed.

update more later <3